Ryan, Bear, and Me 2011

A Boy Named Ryan...and His Dog Named Bear.  Part II (Bear's story)

I was on my way to the Waco Humane Society, praying I would get there before they euthanized Bear. It was a very long hour! I knew deep down that Bear needed Ryan as badly as Ryan needed Bear. His pictures showed me a dog that needed a person and a job. I was determined as I walked into their office, and asked the lady at the desk if Bear was still available (hoping she wasn't going to say no, you're too late), but she said yes he was, hesitated, and then she asked, "Why do you want to see Bear?" We have so many other dogs you might like better." I explained to her that Bear was for my autistic boy, and I specifically wanted to see him, that I planned on having Bear certified as an assistance dog. I noticed two other women in the office listening, and one of them interrupted, and said "Oh no you don't want Bear! If you're looking for an Australian Shepherd sized dog, Bear isn't it! He's HUGE! She pointed to her hip indicating a very big dog. She went on to say "He is also, dog aggressive, and aggressive towards men too!" I asked them how long Bear had been at the shelter and they said 6 months. Whoa, that will make any dog act outside of character! A shelter is like doggy jail, causing huge amounts of stress, anxiety, depression, and fear. Six months is a very long time to a sensitive dog, and Bear looked sensitive!

I could feet my heels digging in, because I can be very stubborn. So, I asked, "So when you say huge, how big are we talking? Is he as big as a Mastiff? She said no. "Is he as big as a German Shepherd and as heavy?" She said no. I stated, "Well then he isn't HUGE, I want to see him, and evaluate him for myself." I was mystified as to why these people were trying to prevent Bear from being adopted, but I was going to see him first, and make my own decision. I had many years experience in training animals, from dogs, to cats, to horses, and even a rabbit. I could evaluate and teach. Of course, I wasn't going to adopt him if I thought for one second he wasn't going to be a safe and loyal companion to Ryan! I got the feeling nobody in that room liked Bear at all. They refused to take me to his kennel, and gave vague instructions to walk through each of the kennel buildings until I found him.

The buildings were as long as stables, with dog kennels running on both sides. Each building was a cacophony of hysterically barking, madly jumping, excited dogs begging to be let out of their chain link kennels. It was heartbreaking to see so many upset, unhappy dogs, that truly wanted to go home with us now! I felt sad for them all! We walked through building after building. Hundreds of dogs! It wasn't until I was walking down the path to the last kennel (which unlike the others it was open air and that day the temperature was around 110F), that I glimpsed a big black dog with a white chest sitting looking out of his chain link door. I thought at first I was looking at a Burmese Mountain dog, but then he moved his head, looking to the side as I approached and I thought, "Omg! That's Bear!" He was the biggest Australian Shepherd I'd ever seen, but there was no doubt that indeed that's what he was. As I approached his gate, he backed away from me. He didn't growl or bark,  he was just being cautious. I thought quickly. I needed him to approach me, not be so cautious, so I could tell if he was truly aggressive. I knew not to make eye contact, because the office had already told me he was an intact male (not neutered even though he had been there for six months!), and after seeing all the other dogs, I knew he had been stressed for a very long time.

I had an idea. I got directly in front of his gate, turned my body sideways and then squatted down. Thereby reducing my threatening height, and turning my face to keep from staring directly into his face. Bear's response was immediate. He came right up to the gate, sat down and started rubbing his body against the fence, desperately trying to get petted. I looked into his eyes and what I saw immediately made me teary eyed. He had the softest, sweetest, gentlest, brown eyes I have ever seen in a dog. He wanted me to pet him, so (through the chain link) I did. He wiggled with delight all over his body. I stood up and faced him. He stood up and put his paws on the fence and looked at me, and smiled a big dog grin, as if to say...I'm yours, I love you, please get me the hell out of here now! I petted his chest, and burst into tears. I was overwhelmed by his suffering, his depression, and his stress. I was wiping away my tears, when a pretty blond woman walked up behind me. She had a leash in her hands. She asked if I needed help and I said I had come to get Bear, and I wanted him. I told her my story, and how badly we needed Bear. Her name was Gail Forrest (an angel of mercy and a volunteer there) and she burst into tears and gave me a long hug. She  had been coming to get Bear to take him for his last car ride to Sonics, for his last hamburger. I cried a little more and assured her that was NOT going to happen! I let her know of the resistance in the office, and asked if she could help me with the adoption process? She said yes.

Bear was excited to be out of his kennel, but walked nicely on the lead next to Gail, as she led us to an outdoor visitation yard. She wanted me to visit with Bear to make sure he was what I wanted. When I finally ran my hands down Bear's whole body I was shocked! Bear was a skeleton! Under that thick, soft coat was an emaciated dog. He was also subdued for an Australian Shepherd, laying down to rest when he should have been bouncing around. I knew right then and there, Bear was sick. I said a prayer to St.Francis that it wasn't advanced heart worms. I vowed to get him to the vet first thing in the morning. I watched Bear as they put a little terrier dog in the next yard. The little dog charged the fence at Bear, barking and acting aggressive, Bear calmly walked up to the fence, sniffed the furious little dog and walked away. So much for dog aggression. After about 20 minutes I was ready to start the paperwork.

We entered the office and I filled out the paperwork, keeping an eye on Bear, as many people filled up the office, surrendering pets. He sat quietly with my son's fiance, his head in her lap, happy to be petted. When I turned in the papers to the lady at the front desk, she noticed we had a miniature dachshund at home. "Well", she said "You can't take him home today, until we have a "meet and greet" with the other dog, AND he has to do the same with your son." I said, "Did I mention I drove over 50 miles to get here, and you're asking me to drive 100 miles round trip for an unnecessary exercise, because he hasn't shown any problem since we came into this office?" "Also, my son has grown up around dogs, he will know how to handle himself." She wasn't budging. Just then providence stepped in as the manager (Tim) of the shelter came in. Gale asked Tim if he would interview me. I introduced myself and mentioned the e-mail and the voicemail I had sent to him concerning Bear, but he hadn't received either of them.

Tim asked my background with dogs, and I let him know I had been a breeder, a trainer, and at one time had been a trainer of problem dogs in Miami. He liked the plans I had for Bear, and signed my paperwork so I could take Bear home right them and there. I let out a huge sigh of relief! Except, even after Tim signed the paperwork, the front desk lady chased him down, asked to speak with him outside, and tried to dissuade him from letting me adopt Bear. He put his foot down, and I was free to finally get Bear out of there, and home! I will never know why they clearly disliked Bear, and not only didn't believe he deserved a home, but wanted him dead. I was relieved as I opened the car door... said "Hup"... and Bear jumped into the car and sat like a pro.

As I drove away, I felt goosebumps rise up all over me, as if the angels, (and St Francis) had been with Bear and I all that fateful day! I believed that whatever trauma and unhappiness Bear had suffered would fade once he was healthy and home. He could be himself again. A young, handsome, big hearted, and happy dog. I already knew by looking into his eyes, he was the right dog for Ryan. He would KNOW what his job was, just as surely as I had known the first time I looked into his eyes knew that he was THE dog. He could be Ryan's friend, and guardian. He would love my boy, and love his job. He had a purpose now...

For now my friends, I leave the story here. Part IV is all about Ryan and Bear's first meeting, and how amazing that first day was! Until then I bid you peace.
Beth

A Boy Named Ryan...and His Dog Named Bear. Part I

Ryan and Bear on a sunny day.

Ryan, was always on the verge of a blow up tantrum or meltdown since he had been 17 months old. Whether it was over excitement, over stimulation, anger, confusion, frustration, anxiety, or sadness. He always overreacted, and went over the edge. He had a very difficult time moderating his emotions and behavior, and the only level of reaction he seemed to know was extreme, and loud! There was no gradual rise in reaction from annoyed  to enraged. It was always 2.5 seconds and the rage was on!

We  moved to Texas so Ryan could see his Dad more often, so he started spending every other weekend with him. It was great that he was spending time with his Dad, but Ryan was regressing a little, and having a really hard time transitioning when he came back home. It took days for him to settle back into our household routine, with lots of crying, and temper tantrums. So, I took my oldest son (Daniel) aside, and explained how much better Ryan would do, emotionally, if he had a dog.  I had researched autism assistence dogs, and thier main effect is to calm these kids down. It took Dan about half a minute for him to say, "Start looking for a dog." I was excited, because I  knew deep down that it was one more thing  we could do for Ryan,  to help him get off  his daily emotional rollercoaster ride!

I made a list of traits Ryan's dog would need to have. It had to be an adult, because I needed a mature dog that could settle in quickly, and figure out it's role with Ryan. It needed to be intellegent, to be able to make decisions on it's own, large enough to withstand Ryan's strength, and have a strong herding instinct to follow Ryan everywhere. I researched different breeds, and decided Ryan needed a  herding dog, and the Australian Shepherd fit all the traits I was looking for. They are known in the dog world as "genius" dogs, natural born problem solvers, empathetic, responsible, hard working, and extremely loyal to home and family. They are also very tough, with a lot of endurance. Yep. High energy boy, strong athletic dog, I'd made my decision. The hunt was on!

It was easy to decide to adopt a dog from a shelter, but finding an Australian Shepherd turned out to be difficult. Everytime I got close to finding one, they would either get adopted, or in the case of one dog I had my heart set on, he needed sugery. Then one day, I came across a posting on petango.com that said Urgent in big letters, and explained the dog listed was in danger of euthenization within a matter of days. He was a black and white Australian Shepherd, stunningly handsome, and only one and a half years old. After reading his description, and then studying his pictures, I could see in his eyes that he looked lost, and he had this far away look, like he was waiting for someone. His name was Bear, and I got a feeling of absolute surety that this dog I was looking at, was the dog for my boy. He was waiting and watching for Ryan!

I quickly fired off an e-mail to the Waco Humane Society Animal Shelter, informing them of my interest in Bear, and to please wait until I could get there (in two days) before euthenizing him. I didn't receive an email back  The next day I called the Waco shelter, and left a voicemail begging for them to hold off putting him down, I was coming the next day to see Bear. I didn't get a call back. The next morning I looked up Bear's link and it mentioned either thursday or friday as his euthenization date. It was Thursday morning and I broke out in a cold sweat! I asked if I could borrow the car, and Dan's fiance not only said yes, she said she would go with me to get Bear. In 20 minutes we were on the road to Waco with mapquest directions, and prayers to God that we would please get there on time!

My friends, I'm going to leave this story as a cliff hanger. Part II of this story will be posted tommorrow afternoon. Until then I bid you peace always...
(hugs)
Beth

Ryan and his dog Bear, they are both thinking pretty hard. :)

This post is also an earlier post from www.fifthandfinal.com -

 

Ryan has many great qualities, even with the neurological disorder of High Functioning Autism. He is very charming, and when he was a baby we used to say-"He has charisma with a capital C!" He has beautiful eyes, which have that "look of the eagles", a piecing look straight into your soul, that he inherited from the Cherokee side of my family. He has a movie star smile, and an infectious laugh. He is beautifully handsome, and every woman that has ever made a comment about Ryan has said, "He's going to be a heart breaker!" These qualities are just the superficial, outward appearances of Ryan. It is his inner spirit, his innateness, what makes him who he is, that differentiates him from the "norm", and illustrates the positives of his disorder.
What is truly great about Ryan is his constant hunger for more. He has huge amounts of mental endurance and concentration. He is tenaciously stubborn, and he always wants to win his side of an argument. These are all traits needed in the world to be successful.
He is driven, and even at the tender age of 4, he wants to be a man. He daydreams, and discusses what he wants to be when he grows up, every single day! His personal obsession (which is by definition an Autistic tendency), has always been, and continues to be, trucks! He talks about them, he collects them in every size, shape, type, and color.  He has books about them, and even collects cards (like baseball cards) at every truck stop, and is not shy about asking the cashier if they have any. He is consumed by trucks.  In our two years of traveling (the many highways of America) for up to 18 hours a day, Ryan has never tired of looking for, and at, every single truck on our side of the road, and the other side too. He believes wholeheartedly, and has planned, to become a truck driver and own a shipping company. He repeats everyday that he is going to own ten trucks, and he will be driving them! His obsession has educated me, and inspired me. I have never known much about semi-trucks, but after Ryan, I am well versed! I often remind myself, that his obsession could have been worse, I could have been bombarded with trivia about guns.
I like that he has a plan for himself when he's a man. I also like that he has given me the perfect tool to inspire him, when he tells me he doesn't need to go to school. I tell him, "You have to learn how to read road signs, or how will you drive your trucks?" He complains he doesn't know math and doesn't want to learn it. Perfect opportunity for me to pipe up and say-" How will you count all the money you are going to make by owning trucks?", or "How will you know how much diesel (yes he knows the difference between gas and diesel fuel) you have to order for your trucks everyday?" He always thinks about it and says, "Ok I'll go...sigh".  I don't worry about him being obsessed, it is an integral part of Ryan, and of his HF Autism. I like to think that he will fulfill his dreams when he becomes a man.
I am writing this piece, the day after Apple founder Steve Jobs has passed away. I am reminded of just how different his thought processes were, and how his drive for perfection, and his obsessions radically changed the entire world. It gives me hope for Ryan, that his differences from "normal" children will serve him well, and I am comforted by the long list of "unique" individuals who have also changed the world one invention at a time. High Functioning Autism can (and will) be a positive aspect of Ryan's innate uniqueness. It is what makes Ryan, Ryan.
I leave you parents of  "unique" children, with the positives of HF Autism. In  the hope it lightens your burden, so that  instead of sadness and tragedy, you become filled with happiness and hope for your child's future. The hope that they will be able to fulfill whatever their dreams and fantasies are, as they become men and women.
Until tomorrow...
Best Regards,
Beth

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things: On Ryan's Lighter Side...

                                                                                                                                                                                        

These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things: On Ryan's Lighter Side...

Another copy from my www.fifthandfinal.com blog:

Ryan with a candy toe ring, 2009

 So, all of you know that Ryan has been a challenge, and we've had our share of difficult times, but maybe it's time for me to tell you about his lighter side...the side that I call "elfish".
Ryan has a magical smile. A smile that lights up like a halogen bulb on a moonless night. One second it's dark, the next it's blindingly bright. The kind of smile that in the old days was called a "moviestar" smile. He smiles most of the time, as he goes about his day. Sometimes they are little smiles, like when he finds just the right spot for a truck that he's placing in a straight line. Fleeting smiles like when he taste something that he really likes, and then gets down to eating it. But it's the big smiles that are accompinied by his unbelievable laugh, that light up the darkness and I feel his magic.
It is so unexpected to have a "special" child with a laugh so genuine, and infectious that it makes your own laughter bubble up from deep inside yourself, unbidden, and uncheckable. It is one of his greatest gifts, his ability to transport me in a split second to the age of 4, when I could laugh at little things and have the sensation of laughter run through my whole body. It is infectious too. I'm not the only one that his laugh can effect, there are many others... family members, children, strangers in parks, and swimming pools will all laugh when he does. When he laughs hard, even our dog (Bear) jumps up and runs around in excitement, shaking his big head and bouncing with joy. I wish his laugh could be bottled, it would cure a lot of wrongs in this sad world.
Ryan is also funny. He is sometimes funny, in a stomach shaking, laugh til I choke, kind of way.  Ryan is prone to slapstick moments that would make Jerry Lewis proud. I once watched him jump up and down on the couch (while eating a piece of celery no less) throw a ball for Bear, put himself into a headstand to watch Bear run upside down, and scream with laughter. I couldn't keep from laughing as I told him to stop jumping on the couch! He has a mischievious sense of humor too, that can strike anytime and anywhere. One of his favorite "jokes", involves strangers when we shop. He waits until he knows I'm distracted, walking down an aisle looking for something, and will lunge out at any stranger within reach, grab their arm and scream HI at the top of his lungs, and laugh hysterically when they jump. He doesn't let go right away, and sure enough these strangers will laugh with him. I have to fight hard to control my face, not smile or laugh, to admonish him that "it's nots nice to scare people!" Then there are those moments because he is 4, when we are in a resturant, he'll smile that big smile, laugh, and with a mischievious gleem in his eye announce at the top of his lungs that he has just passed gas, and giggle until he can hardly breath. Oh my, this boy...
He lives life for all it's worth, every moment, and is larger than life himself.  He is completely oblivious to social pressure, and does not give a flip what anybody thinks about him. This amazing, unique, funny, "elfish" special child, makes me thankful that I had him, every single day. He is the darkness sometimes, but more often than not, he is the light, and brightness, and magic in my life. I would not have him "be" any other way. Not neuro-typical, not un-Autistic, not un-developementally delayed, because then he would "un-be" Ryan. He is who he is, and even with his struggles, he is true to himself. He is Ryan, and I am his lucky, blessed, sidekick, fan, and audience.
Peace be to you all.
Beth

2011...The Year Ryan Loved and Hated...

Ryan in the car, happy to be out and about.

So it is now January 1st, 2012, and it's my day of reflecting on last year, and pondering my hopes for the new year. I reflect on the how I can make each year better, and especially how I can make things better for Ryan.

In 2010 I'd  made a decision to move Ryan to Texas, so he could see his Father more often (he had gone many months without seeing him), but  as 2011 began, it became apparent it was going to be a very difficult, and harsh year. Do to tough circumstances we had to move once again (our 3rd time in a year), and since I had nowhere else to go, I had to move Ryan and I into the projects (in the ghetto)  for a temporary move until my tax refund came in. We moved into a tiny apartment, in a small town in Central Florida. We stuck out like sore thumbs, and Ryan disliked the apartment immediately, because it was very small and we had to sleep on a couch together. I told him it was only for a short time, and tried to help him adjust.

 I took him outside every morning after breakfast, so he could ride his big wheel. It got the attention of a couple of little boys that were neighbors, and they started coming outside in the mornings too. Their Mom's quickly realized I was keeping an eye on all of them, and soon they started talking to me. I made friends with  them and their children, and we spent everyday watching them play, walking them to the park, and answering lots of questions about me, and Ryan. They were curious about Ryan (he was so different from them), and then one of the older brothers finally asked me if Ryan was "touched". I knew this old fashioned term, so I gently explained what autism was, and that Ryan was younger in his mind than his real age. He understood that, and from that moment on, every little boy that Ryan played with, banded around him and watched out for him.Ryan had a daily play group for the very first time, and they had his back.

What originally was supposed to be 2 months, stretched out to 6 months. It was a very frustrating time, and yet we both learned many new and important lessons. I learned what poor people really go through, everyday, and how they make do with what little they have. I learned  how to make friends with anybody, under extreme conditions. I cared about them and that's what mattered. They made my life bearable. They shared, stretching what they had, and made me laugh on my toughest days. I think I taught them a few things too...like, there are people you can trust even when your culture says you can't. Plus, I gave cooking lessons to the teenagers, supervised the younger ones, and babysat when I was needed.

Ryan learned to play with more than one child at a time. He learned how to share, and take turns, and also, most importantly, that he could have fun with other kids. I certainly would never recommend this approach to teaching an Autistic child the many social lessons he learned in those six months, but it changed him faster than any other social therapy he'd ever had..We had a routine and a life there, which taught Ryan, that even in the worst conditions, you can rely on life being pretty normal if you make it that way. He made a lot of progress in spite of the challenges we faced those first 6 months of the year.

I started preparing him for our move to Texas, and even though he was excited about getting a nicer place, he was sad to say goodbye to his friends, and I was too. I spent weeks, talking about Texas, our new home, and our new plans. Finally it was time to leave. It was a very emotional morning when we left, with lots of hugging and tears, and thank yous to the many neighbors that had become friends. It was one of the toughest times of my life, but I will never forget the warm people that reached out to us while we were there!

The trip to Texas was long, but exciting. We saw our first Texas Longhorns, enjoyed sweeping wide vistas with beautiful ranches, and lots of wide open spaces. We moved to a city with the largest Army base in the US, and had to learn our way around, but once Ryan and I got unpacked into our new home, we could relax and let our guards down for the first time in 6 months. It felt so good! We have spent the second half of 2011 adjusting to a new school, new neighbors, and being far away from our whole family. That has been hard. Ryan misses his sisters, but he never talks about moving back to Florida to live, only going back to visit and swim. Lol.

We made it through 2011, and I was able to make things better for Ryan, and he did make progress, in spite of one of the greatest trials of my life. This year, 2012, will be one of stability. We will have the same home, school, and quiet life we yearned for last year. We will enjoy being in one spot, and Ryan will make progress, grow, and thrive! We love our new home and feel very comfortable already. Thank you to our family and friends we left behind, and thank you Texas for what lies ahead of us!